Not sorry

not-a-night-owl

halleregina halleregina

William Shakespeare was a bisexual kid from a town a hundred miles outside London with the equivalent of a high school education who knocked up a 26-year-old out of wedlock when he was 18 and he wrote 37 plays and 154 sonnets that changed the English language and the nature of Western drama and theater and if that isn’t an argument against elitism and a culture of constant perfectionism I don’t know what is

an-android-in-a-tutu

probably why people spend so much time trying to prove he didnt write his own plays

dukeofbookingham

Because I can’t help being pedantically insufferable the bit about Shakespeare’s education is somewhat misleading, because the early modern equivalent of “high school” meant learning Greek and Latin and all kinds of things that aren’t par for the course in a 21st-century high school curriculum, but basically yes: Shakespeare was a middle-class human disaster who became the most significant playwright and possibly most influential writer in the western world. Dream big.

Source: halles-comet

thatsthat24

hellyeahthomassanders

The Stare 🐱 by Thomas Sanders

myuuzil

THIS IS SO TRUE OMG

spacebltch

that leg lick is either some great flexibility or some great friendship

thatsthat24

Until you know the truth, it’s both for now. It’s Schrödinger’s cat vine

deathbyspaceglam

Thomas: (pointing) My cat’s silly.

Cat (played by Thomas): (Licking its leg. Suddenly turns and looks somewhere off camera as the X Files theme plays. Goes back to licking its leg.)

Thomas: WHAT DID HE SEE!? (Friend is crawling away.)

Source: vine.co

odinsnotwearingmakeup

My father used to say, “Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu (via ommelet)

Source: locsofpoetry

kingoftheravens

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

Desmond Tutu (via shitrichcollegekidssay)

Source: justsomeantifas

destielismyship

bewbin

you always gotta keep your opponent on their toes. unless your opponent is a ballerina, that is where they are most powerful

Source: bewbin

wickedstonercas

eimme

Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Ballerina

The address is Tutu1B Baker Street

deanbelievesinwholockholmes deanbelievesinwholockholmes

*DEADED*

Source: eimme

queerspeculativefiction

debrides

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

autisticcole autisticcole

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

hermionegranger

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

mugsandpugs1

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

thomrainierskies

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

mirab3lle

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

icouldwritebooks

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

commanderfraya

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

agrestenoir

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

nightmare-ballet

I don’t know what’s worse: answering personal phone calls with “English Department, this is Annie” or answering work calls with “um, hello?” because both happen with equal frequency.

recalcitrantlycaffeinated

One day at McDonald’s, I kept saying “Have a good idea!” instead of “Have a good day”. An entire day.

soaringsparrows

Since it gets dark early around this time of year, whenever I do an afternoon shift I end up with a weird period of time where it feels too early for “have a good evening”, but it’s too dark for “have a nice day”.

More than once I’ve gotten myself so tangled up that I’ve ended up just saying “have a day”. A good one or a bad one, apparently it doesn’t matter.

Source: debrides

svartfalk

max-thepinkhairlesbian

me: *getting ready to sleep*

the demons in my head: cat.(ding ) I’m a kitty cat. and I dance dance dance.

me: what year am I in

Source: max-thepinkhairlesbian

ashes-acedia

bassiter

while looking up 1950s slang, i found the phrase “come on snake, let’s rattle,” which has 2 meanings: asking someone to dance, and challenging someone to a fight

and. hhhooooooooo boy does that fact have some Potential